Learning to Love

Today is Liam’s scheduled due date. We’ve been home for a week with him. We’ve gotten ourselves into a good rhythm, and we seem to be doing ok in the sleep department. Our hardest wake up is the one between 2 and 4. I’m trying to work it so we can sleep straight through those two hours. My favorite part of the day is anytime I get to take a few minutes and do nothing but hold and stare at Liam. He’s beautiful.

On Monday, Liam had his first newborn check up. It went horrible. Our hospital makes an appointment at the newborn clinic for every baby that’s born there. Lance and I knew we needed to go, even though we wouldn’t be using them as our pediatrician. Liam needed to be weighed, and he needed to have the jaundice test done again.

As soon as we walked in, I knew it would be horrible. The reception staff was rude, the waiting area was dirty, and the nurse was horrible. When we had to undress Liam to be weighed, we needed to change his diaper since we’d just fed him. The nurse practitioner was obviously frustrated by this and tried to work around Lance. Poor Liam was so upset by what was going on and not being dressed, that he peed all over the table. All the while, he was screaming and there was nothing I could do because the lady still wanted to man handle my four day old baby. She wasn’t gentle with him at all.

After she was finished poking and prodding, she couldn’t even wait for us to get Liam calmed down before she started lecturing me about his weight. I was told that if he dropped even half an ounce more it would be dangerous for him, and that I needed to supplement with formula. She looked at me like I had done something wrong. Like I would purposely want Liam losing weight. If she only knew how frustrating those first 24 hours at home had been. I still couldn’t get Liam to latch. I was still pumping, and he had just started using a bottle instead of the syringe with a dropper tube.

We were told we had to bring Liam back in two days to make sure he hadn’t lost anymore weight. Then she walked out of the room. In case you are wondering, we don’t know her name because she never told us. We were rushed out of the room without being able to get Liam dressed or buckled in his carseat. I walked out with tears in my eyes because nurse practitioner lady made me feel like I was doing something wrong. We would not be going back to this clinic.

I made an appointment with our local pediatrician for yesterday afternoon. The whole experience was amazing. The front office staff was so nice and they had a separate newborn clinic which was a huge plus for us. We did see one of the nurse practitioners in the office, and Alice was so nice. Our entire experience was different from Monday. The nurse had us undress Liam and, of course, he needed a diaper change. She told us to take our time and to let her know when we were ready to weigh him. When Alice came in, she was going to start with all the questions, but she knew Liam was ready to eat so she examined him first and she was gentle with him! She took her time and let us know everything she was doing and looking for. After she examined Liam, she let me know that everything I was doing was exactly right and I didn’t need to supplement. I was relieved!

When we finished our appointment, which took 40 minutes compared to 7 at the clinic, we were told to take our time and we could use the room as long as we needed to finish feeding and get Liam dressed and back in his seat and ready to go.

We were impressed 100 times over with how well the appointment went. And thankfully, we found somewhere that takes time to explain everything to these first time patents!

It was Thursday morning at 3:15 and my water broke. Thankfully, I was one of the ten percent. I was so worried I would have false labor or be sent home because my water hadn’t broken and I was dilating too slow. So, after waking Lance up, I did what I felt I needed to do…I got in the shower and told Lance we needed to stop at Subway because they wouldn’t let me eat once we got to the hospital. Thank goodness for 24 hour subways!

By the time we got to the hospital at 5:30, I was still only dilated 2cm-that’s exactly where I’d been for the last three weeks. At 10:15, Dr. Wyndom came in and said we had to start pitocin and start thinking about a Csection because I wasn’t moving fast enough. I was only dilated 3-4.

Once the pitocin kicked in, I wanted the epidural. Actually, I needed it. I was able to be remotely awake and kind of talk to everyone until I got to 7-8 when I started telling the nurses it was time to push. They, of course told me it wasn’t and they upped my epidural. That was the best thing they ever could have done, because thirty minutes later, I was fully dilated and ready to push.

I pushed four times with the nurses, twice with the doctors, and Liam was here. The first thing Dr. Wyndom said was “he has your nose, mom.” I was finally holding the most beautiful thing God has ever given me.

Y’all, Liam is perfect. He’s got Lance’s lips and my nose and chin. He loves to be swaddled and held tight. He loves hearing anyone talk to him, and he loves to have his little back rubbed when we burp him. I feel like we got a tiny little piece of perfection. We couldn’t be any more happy or feel any more blessed.

I’m a complete slacker. I haven’t posted Liam’s birth story yet. And I’m going to keep slacking because I’m going to stare at the best looking little love I’ve ever seen.

Jessica Simpson had her baby. How am I supposed to be ok with being pregnant forever if Jessica Simpson is going around popping out a baby? And, who am I going to compare my body to so I feel normal? I always try to be happy when I hear that someone had their baby, but being so close to our due date…I’m just jealous.

Woke up feeling like I could breathe. Then realized I was starving. Seriously. I had CFA for breakfast at 7, and I’m already hungry. I think Liam is dropping! He just kicked and it wasn’t anywhere near my lungs or ribs.

Please, baby, please start moving yourself down. I promise you’ll like it out here. You’ve got tons of people ready to see you! Your nursery is done. You have a bassinet in mommy and daddy’s room. You have tons of adorable clothes to wear and plenty of blankets to be wrapped up in. We just need you booger!

It is absolutely impossible for me to feel any more pregnant than I do right now. We’ve been to church, lunch, and grocery shopping and I feel like Liam is going to drop out anytime.

Liam looks great and his little heartbeat still amazes me every time I hear it. I so wish that I was holding our little guy instead of just writing about him. I haven’t dropped yet, but I’m feeling a ton of pressure. The good news is that our doctor told us he doesn’t like letting women go over a week if they aren’t comfortable with it, so May 19 is our baby deadline!

It’s a short update today guys. I’m gonna have dinner and cuddle up with Lance…who is secretly hoping that all the extra walking today will induce labor.

I’m home, by myself, on a Friday night and my gorgeous husband is out with our friends. And honestly, I’m not sure I like it. Not because I don’t want him to go out and have fun, but because I miss him. I’m selfish when it comes to him, especially since he works so hard and so much and I’m home by myself all day.

I wish so much I had gone with Lance now. I miss the way he keeps me close when we are in a group of people. The way he keeps his hand on my back when he whispers in my ear to see if I’m ok. Mostly, I miss the way I get to see him in his element. He is so comfortable in a crowd, so the opposite of me. I love seeing him like that.

God totally knew what he was doing when he gave me Lance. Every day I thank Him over and over and over for Lance, and for letting us have Liam in just a few weeks.